So the 15 year olds I made out with at Night Timing on the weekend were stealing stuff again, and this time they brought me some skin care products. THE skin care products. Apparently Dr. Hauschka’s brand of body condiments is the best shit out there. Naturally, I was interested when I saw the price tag. $40 for a 12 ml tube of daily revitalizing eye cream — the prices just go up from there. I was presented with the eye cream, the quince day cream, clarifying toner spray and cleansing milk. I apply the cleansing milk in the shower while I am waiting for my Aveda conditioner to do its thing in my hair. It smells like clay and clay is great for gently cleaning your skin. Then once I’m out of the shower I spray on the toner and massage a small amount of day cream and eye cream onto my face. It’s all basically odorless.

I never thought that at 24 years of age I would have the same bathroom routine as a West Van mom. Fuck me. “Ours is a higher standard” the box explains. WALA Heilmittel employs a holistic method to harvesting the biodynamically grown plants these natural products are made from. The only drawback is if you have dry skin, the alcohol in the toner may cause slight irritation. Great.