NEW MOVIE MONDAYS
Zodiac
Fincher has totally been off his game lately. Not because his movies don’t always look spectacular (we get it, you know how to shoot a super dreary cop drama), but a story you know doesn’t have an ending? Sure, the Zodiac killings were totally crazy — they’re definitely one of the great unsolved mysteries of, like, forever. The operative word being “unsolved.” This movie just goes on and drags, and then like 50 years later shit is still is completely up in the air and the movie ends. Snazzy!


The Number 23
Although our opinion of this movie hasn’t changed a bit since we saw it in theaters, a home viewing allowed us to air all our grievances out loud, at the screen. We pulled the curtains closed, popped some corn, and had one of the best Mystery Science Theater experiences we’ve had since we watched the mid-term elections on CNN last November. There are so many “no way” and “what the fuck” moments in this movie that it truly teeters on the edge of clever parody, and for us turned into laugh-out-loud comedy. The last bit of Jim’s ever-present voice-over really just says it all: “Maybe it’s not the happiest of endings, but it’s the right one. Someday I’ll be up for parole, and we can go on living our lives. It’s only a matter of time. Of course, time is just a counting system. Numbers, with meaning attached to them… Isn’t it?”


The Monster Squad
One of the all-time best ’80s movies finally gets the DVD treatment. If you haven’t seen this movie before, you’ve missed out on an essential part of life. But don’t bother watching it now. It’d be like trying to read “Catcher in the Rye” for the first time when you’re thirty… Regardless, you might be able to get a kick out of some of the bonus features on this disc either way though. Particularly the interview with Frankenstein the actor, which is hilarious in a very “post-comedy” kind of way.


Perfume: The Story of a Murder
The set dec. department gets high fives all around. Paris never looked so bad. To match, the acting is terrible. Dustin Hoffman gives the worst performance of his career as an old Italian perfumier who mentors a gifted young man who kills women and bottles their essence. Every time Dusty yelled “Basta! Basta!” we wished he would have taken his own advice. Truly laughable, and not in a good way.


The Host
See our old review, because we’re lazy.